Looking Back: Moura 3340

Heading into the last week of our year, I thought I would take a moment to look at how Moura has been going for me personally.

To be honest, I was a little surprised at first. I thought I was doing great -- this Moura wasn't affecting me as much as previous ones had! Perhaps it wasn't going to be as powerful as I imagined it would be.

That was mistaken.

My discipline has been all over the place this month. New routines I've started during Moura -- those have stuck like no other has before, and I generally struggle quite a lot to form and keep routines going. But other things? Sliding all over the place. Basic disciplines I took on for Moura last a few days, if at all. I'm discovering that this Moura isn't affecting me like I thought it would -- internally, emotionally -- but in a quite external, obvious way: my discipline isn't strong enough and Sai Rhavë is pointing it out.

There was also a very large moment for me that began as something quite mundane; but it brought up an old wound I've carried for quite some time relating to religion, and addressed it in a really firm but really caring way. Needless to say, I cried quite a bit, but I felt so much better after all the anxiety and festering discontent was laid to rest at last. (It goes without saying: the people at Ariadne's Tribe are just really good people. Really good people.💚) I've almost enjoyed this Moura? Which is not something I expected to say!

Of course, Moura isn't supposed to be something you dread, or meant to be overwhelmingly painful. It's just that the past several Mouras for me have been on the overwhelming side. But it is fascinating to me to see the marked difference -- internal vs external -- for this one compared to the rest, especially since Sai Rhavë is associated with the Dark Mother and could be expected to be more internal/reflective than the other Janyati. Perhaps she addresses issues on a more case by case basis, and mine just happened to be more external because I have more basic issues that need to be addressed before deeper ones can be!

On the blogging side, I'm really proud of how far I've come this year. Though it was mostly on Facebook, this year I posted on a much more regular schedule than I have ever managed since I started in 2016. I got to work with a specific theme (birds!) that continued through into Moura, and I'm really excited to see what next year's theme might turn out to be.

Sai Rhavë's year turned out to be a much harder one than any of us expected it would be, and this is a year that is going to continue to influence us for many years to come. I have hope for the future: Sai Raya is coming to guide us through the next year, and I pray her influence may be felt clearly through 2021-22!

I hope your Moura went well -- did you notice a difference to this Moura from previous ones? -- and I await Eastre eagerly in your company.

~x~