Home

Last night, I found my first copy of the Scriptures, still tucked away in a folder. I'd written all over the pages, covering the margins and circling important words. I was really into space and time!

It's been a while since I'd stopped to read the Scriptures, so I sat down to read them again. There's just something special about the NCU - maybe it's just because it was the first exposure I had to Filianism that gives them nostalgic value. I remember being so excited that day, excited because I had cried. Someone in a Facebook group completely unrelated to the topic had posted a link to the old Theapedia web page, and when I read the Scriptures, I cried.

That was so important to me. I used to keep up with a woman on YouTube, a Muslim woman, who had told her conversion story once. When she had first gotten a copy of the Quran, she was told to read it back to front, so she would start with the shorter Suras, instead of jumping in on the deep end with long chapters. And she said she'd cried when she read them, knowing almost immediately that this was It for her.

I'd wanted something to click like that for me; had wanted it for a long time. I thought I had looked at all the faiths by then, and nothing had been It. I was afraid nothing was ever going to click for me. But to read those first lines in the first chapter, by the time I reached "And everything was silver" …. I knew this was It for me.

That doesn't mean that it's been nice and simple since then. I've had years of training in being indecisive. I'll let you in on something you probably have already figured out: every time I take a hiatus from this blog, I've stopped practicing the Faith. Every single time. Something else looks shiny and new and I think I've chosen wrong and I go chasing after it. Only to come back one day and look at those Scriptures again, and see those words, and remember. This is home.